The Widow Weeps Silently, She Is Strong
by oceanofoswald
Summary: Tanfield: Where Sara wishes she wouldn't dwell but that's all she ends up doing.


**a/n -** yes, I made up that ship name and yes, I know no one's going to read this but I'm sad because I'm an idiot so I crawled back to what's probably my first ever otp; _Sara Tancredi and Michael Scofield_. My babies, sob. To clarify, I'm an idiot because I accidentally deleted all of my documents so don't expect many updates soon. BUT, maybe do because I feel this odd urge to write more after my mistake. To make it up to myself, I guess. Anyways, this is set post season four ~ post the end.

* * *

She sees him in everything. She sees him in the way the wind makes the trees shake right down to the apple with the bruise shaped like handcuffs- but many she's just hallucinating that. She's not sure anymore.

In fact, the only thing she is sure about is that life goes on, painfully and slowly, but time does move, no matter how much you want to to stop- no matter how much you want it to rewind.

She thinks Michael would smile at that. At the absurdity of bending time and space, or whatever the praise is. She thinks he would lick his lips and tilt his head down with a little chuckle. She thinks about him a lot.

It's not that she's in denial, either. She doesn't think she even got the luxury of going through that stage. She's pretty sure that all the torture and all the running has taken the little girl out of her. The paranoia ate away her innocence, her ability to believe. To hope.

She forgets sometimes that she's been through hell. And, okay, maybe not literally or quite as gruesome as Dean Winchester did, but she's seen things that no little girl should see. Her father murdered is high on that list.

She also forgets about her time in prison. Obviously not when she was just a doctor there- though she does still have nightmares about that one night when T-Bag lead his own little uprising and she was almost raped a dozen times- until Michael-

Michael saved her.

She just- she just needs a minute to remember how to breathe, okay?

As she was saying, she forgets about her time incarcerated. She forgets Gretchen murdering that girl. Sure, Gretchen saved her- but is that really any excuse? Is that really _acceptable_?

She forgets because she can't remember. She can't remember- only she can remember of course, that's the worst part. She can't _let_ herself remember because- well, because it hurts.

It hurts her. It _still_ hurts her.

And she misses him.

She misses her Michael. Her Michael that made her flowers out of paper and went back- _for her_\- to save her countless times. Her Michael that promised her that everything was going to be okay, right after she promised him that nothing would ever come between them. She had watched him quirk his lips, happy.

They both lied. Not intentionally. They didn't know it at the time, of course. Maybe he did, though. Maybe she did, too. She knew he was dying. She knew-

She doesn't know what life would have been like if Michael hadn't died. If he sat with her every morning on the creaky park bench to watch as the children laughed and the ducks quacked and everything looked happy.

She doesn't know if that would have been better but- but she just wanted to try, is all. She just wanted a little bit more time. Maybe then-

_Maybe then_.

She watches as Michael Jr. smiles at her and waves her over. She raises her hand and sighs, pushing herself off of the bench. She's a mother now. Mothers don't have time to dwell on the past. Mothers don't have time to do anything. Not that she considers herself a good one. She loves him. More than anything. But she's always scared. Always looking over her shoulder.

But she's most definitely sticking around- not that leaving was even an option, or a decision she was struggling to make. She just hopes to be there to lead her son away from any criminal activity. And she means _any_. Seriously, if she finds out he got the tiniest tattoo, even if it's of a butterfly, she's taking him to church and making him say the Hail Mary five million times.


End file.
